Hey there, Sparklers! 🙂
Sorry I haven’t posted in a long time. I’ve had writer’s block and I’ve been concentrating on my YouTube channel.
But today I’m back and I’m here to tell you that you are not alone. No matter what you’re going through right now, it WILL get better. There’s people out there who love you, care for you and would do anything for you. They would do anything to see you happy.
We all have bad days. We all have days where we feel we aren’t good enough, that we’re a failure, that nobody cares. There’s going to be events in our lives that break our hearts, temporarily ruin our self-confidence and that will leave us wondering why we even bother at all. But with every bad thing that happens, something good ALWAYS follows.
Like me. I’ve never been popular, and I’ve never fitted in. From the first day I went to school aged 4-5 I was cast out by everyone. I had a couple of friends, but nobody else wanted anything to do with me. Then at age ten I became seriously ill and almost lost my life. The recovery process was so long that I missed the end of year 6 and missed out on taking my SATs exams.
High school came around and I was so excited. Fresh start, new friends, all new experience. But high school soon turned into a nightmare for me. I was being bullied. There were groups in our school. The ‘popular people’, the ‘normal people’, the ‘goths/emo’s’ and the ‘freaks’. I was labelled a freak. Why? I still don’t know to this day. But what I do know was that I was bullied for being shy, for being ginger, for not wearing make up or bothering to do my hair. They ripped my self-confidence to shreds and I became so introverted that I lost pretty much all of my friends. I was a loner. There was one girl that I stayed friends with, as she was getting bullied for similar reasons. But the majority of the school hated her because she was a compulsive liar. She lied about everything. So that made me even more of an outcast.
The bullying was affecting me so much that my attendance dropped to 25% because most days I just couldn’t face going into school. I couldn’t face the nasty comments any more. I dropped out of school in year 10 and became homeschooled. But because my parents were teaching me and they aren’t qualified teachers, I wasn’t allowed to take my GCSEs. I was told that the only way I could take my GCSEs would be to get into a college that allows you to take them there. So that’s what I did.
At 16 I started college, and it started off great. Everyone in my class were friendly, the teachers were kind and patient and I just loved being there. It was a completely different environment to what high school was. I started to become more confident, I started dressing the way I wanted to instead of following everyone else’s fashion trends. I started loving life again.
But then, just 2 and a half months after starting college, I became seriously ill again and had to be hospitalised. Again the recovery process was very long, but at first the college was very understanding and said that they would just send coursework to me and then I can send it back to them until I’m well enough to return. But when 2 months had passed and I still hadn’t returned, they decided to kick me out. I lost my place in college and STILL didn’t have my GCSEs. The head of attendance was very nasty to me and my parents, she belittled me and my self-confidence got shattered for the second time. They told me I wasn’t allowed to come back the year after, that I had to wait for 2 years before I could apply for a place again.
Two years passed and I decided that I was going to re-apply for a place. I had a meeting with the head of attendance and yet again she was nasty to me. She made me plead my case as if I was in a court, I had to make promises I wasn’t sure I could keep, just so she’d give me another chance. She let me go back, but placed me in a class of 16-year-olds. This doesn’t seem like a big deal, but at the time it was very unsettling. I was 2 years older and had to keep it a secret because I was embarrassed of the fact I was doing work I should have done 2 years before. I had the same teachers as I did the first time round, but they weren’t kind and understanding anymore. They picked on me, pressured me and made me feel like sh*t. They didn’t believe in me, told me I was going to fail and that I was wasting my time. But I was determined to prove them wrong. I worked my ass off every single day just to prove to them that I wasn’t useless.
They started to realise this and began congratulating me, telling me to keep up the hard work. Just as I was getting somewhere, I fell ill AGAIN and had to take time off. For two weeks I still attended college even though I literally felt like I was dying. But then I deteriorated so much that I had no choice but to take time off. Immediately they started being nasty again, saying I was lying and that I was just being lazy. I went back in as soon as I started to feel better. But all the teachers were looking down their noses at me like I was one big disappointment. Suddenly I flipped.
I went from the quiet, shy girl that let everyone treat her like rubbish to going up to my teachers, telling them to shove it up their arse and storming out of college. I left and never went back.
You see, I’m not dumb, and I’m not a plodder when it comes to my work. I know what I’m doing, and I know EXACTLY what I’m capable of. Now I’m 21, and although I STILL don’t have my GCSEs, I’ve not once let that stop me. AT ALL.
I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to do. I’m blogging, I’m making videos, I’m making people laugh and smile and feel good about themselves. AND I LOVE EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT IT.
The moral of the story is:
- Qualifications don’t define who you are, or what you’re capable of.
- Bullies are irrelevant cowards, who get nowhere in life. If you are being bullied, just remember that later in life YOU will be achieving more than THEY ever could.
- Be YOU. Wear what you want, do what you want, stand out from the crowd. Fitting in is not what it seems, and you’ll be greatly disappointed if you try. Standing out is so much better and so much more FUN.
- Chase your dreams. Obstacles will come at you, but you work around them and you get there. No matter what the obstacles are, it’s NEVER impossible to achieve your dreams. ANYTHING is possible if you put your mind to it.
- YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Everybody has struggles in life. Some people have the same struggles as you, and some people don’t. But we need to stick together. We need to support each other.
- I’m ALWAYS here for you. Whether you read my blogs or watch my videos, or both, please know that you can turn to me. If you need a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen I’m here for you. I know what it’s like to feel worthless. I know what it’s like to be bullied. I know what it’s like to be told you’re a disappointment. But I ALSO know that you can get through it, that you’re strong, that you can achieve anything. Please, please, if you need someone to talk to, please do so. Wether it’s a family member, a friend, a medical professional, a teacher, or a complete stranger. Talking is good. We’re all in this together.
- I appreciate you so much. I love you and I want to help you in any way I can.
Thank you for reading, and I hope this helps at least one of you. Stay strong, you can do this.
Lots of love,
Sarah Sparkles xxx