Hey there, Sparklers 🙂
Sorry it’s been so long since my last post, I’ve just been super busy and haven’t really had the time to update my blog. But today I’m going to explain to everyone why I don’t dance anymore and why it bothers me so much as a lot of people have questioned me about it lately.
So, I started dancing when I was little. I didn’t go to classes or anything, I’d just dance in my room for fun and then as I got older, I started learning how to pop & lock, and how to do all the freezes and tricks etc through YouTube tutorials. I wanted to go to actual dance classes, but I wasn’t confident enough. I was afraid of messing up and everyone laughing at me. I was being bullied at the time and I was scared it would happen in dance class too.
Eventually, when I was 14, I plucked up the courage to start going to street & hip hop dance classes. And it was honestly the best decision I’ve ever made. Nothing made me happier than dancing and being picked for competitions. I felt so proud of myself.
But, obviously, whilst learning to dance I would take a lot of hits to my knees, hips, pelvis and lower back. Sometimes I’d go home from classes black and blue, but it never phased me, I was determined to become the best dancer I could possibly be. I pushed myself too far, ignored the warning signs that my body was giving me and ended up seriously hurting myself.
During one street dance class, there was a part of the choreography where I had to sort of slide/dive onto the floor. I was determined to get it just right so I kept practising over and over, and by the time class finished I couldn’t walk. My knee had turned purple and had swollen to twice its normal size, so my friend had to help me hop to the bus station. I saw a row of metal chairs so I sat down and rested my leg on the other chairs. A security guy came out to tell me off for having my feet on the chairs, but as soon as he saw the state my knee was in he became worried and ran to get a wet, icy cold bandage to try and bring the swelling down. (Shout out to you, sir!)
I figured it was just bruised so I didn’t bother going to the hospital or anything, I just put on a brave face and carried on learning the choreography. I was still practicing the slide/dive thing (it’s hard to explain), but because my knee hurt so bad, I shifted most of my weight to my hip so my hip would take the majority of the beating when I hit the floor repeatedly.
Next thing I know I heard a crack and I’m screaming in agony, I can’t get up off the floor or move my leg because it literally felt like it was being ripped away from my hip. I went to the hospital thinking that I’d broke my hip, to find out it wasn’t my hip that cracked. It was my spine.
The doctor told me that I’d torn all of the tissue and tendons surrounding the hip socket which had loosened not only my hip joint but my whole pelvis, and that caused my pelvis to move around and put extra pressure on my lower spine and THAT’S where the cracking sound came from. I was on crutches for months and when I was told I can’t dance anymore it broke my heart.
I was obsessed with dancing, and I still am. To have your passion ripped away from you is really upsetting. What’s worse is that it’s nobody’s fault but my own. If I hadn’t carried on dancing whilst I had an injured knee, none of this would have happened. Years later I’m still in pain and I still have to use crutches sometimes. Not only has it stopped me from dancing again, it’s stopped me from doing other things as well.
The only form of dancing that I do now is tutting, simply because you mainly just use your arms and hands. I love dance so much that when I see other people dancing or watch dance films like Step Up, I start twitching because I want to dance with them but I know I can’t. This probably sounds so pathetic but, it’s who I am 😛
I guess I just wanted to explain properly for everyone who says, “if you miss dancing so much, why don’t you start doing it again?”
As much as I would love to, it’s just not possible without causing further damage. Which sucks, but it’s not the end of the world. My injuries could have been a lot worse, so I’m grateful that nothing worse happened.
Thanks for reading, and sorry for rambling a bit!
Lots of love,